I have ways a categorize my relationships….
So I consider new relationships to be similar to that perfect sexy black dress. Every woman should have one (or so I’ve been told). This dress fits your body like a glove, tight in all the right places, accentuating all your assets, showing off those parts that are considered your best. This dress when paired with a sexy pair of heels is going to turn heads, force you to carry yourself with that glow of sex. The dress draws attention to you, in a way nothing else in your closet ever would.
This my friends is also how I see new relationships, they are draped across your life drawing attention, changing the way you carry yourself and making you feel sexy and the center of attention. While I enjoy this sensation very much, I also know that it won’t last for long soon the new relationship with transition into another phase it “evolves” as some might say. I don’t enjoy changes, I would prefer to start out as it will always be, but that hasn’t happened yet and so the new phase is being slipped on.
And that new phase is what I call the sweatpants phase. I love my sweatpants so let’s get that clear right off 
the bat. But well sweatpants are not nearly as daring or exciting as the sexy black dress. Sweatpants are comfortable and secure, they are nothing special and don’t necessarily draw any undue attention. They are far more socially acceptable to everyday life than that sexy black dress. Your children don’t comment when you wear sweatpants, your more likely to go with out makeup or your hair done when you are donning the comfy sweats.
So the shift happens for many reason none of which are bad, it’s life we all live it and there is no escaping it. Most women don’t recognize that this is going to happen they feel let down when the sexy black dress is replaced with sweats, complaining but you don’t bring me flowers anymore, or we don’t spend time together like we used to…the list is never-ending.
But that’s just the problem, we should all know that the wardrobe change will happen its just a matter of when. When will the dress fall and the saggy gray sweats be pulled on.
I feel my current relationship making this change, I’m not ready for it, I want my dress now more than ever. I was just getting comfortable in my sexy dress, “feeling it” if you will. But as said before things, life, people, schedules, needs change and evolve. From sexy sassy black dresses to comfy secure gray sweats.
I need to learn to love the positives of both, I will find comfort in my sweats, I will find security and stability in the soft embrace of the muted garment. But I will also miss the excitement and exploration of that dress. I’m not sure I’m ready to hang it up just yet, but I feel life ripping it from my body.
So do I stand here cold and naked or slip into that comfort of my sweats?
1 a : intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury b : extreme dislike or antipathy : loathing <had a great hate of hard work>
2 : an object of hatred <a generation whose finest hate had been big business — F. L. Paxson>
I HATE liars.
I hate people who intentionally do not tell the truth. I am a grown woman and I fully understand the seriousness of this statement.
I HATE LIARS AND I MEAN IT.
The worst thing someone could do is lie to me. I have zero tolerance for liars, first time it happens is always the last.
Well, my previous landlord Lee, has decided since I am no longer living in his apartment complex he can let his true colors show. And what I now see is a big fat ugly liar.
I did things to help this man. I took time out of my schedule to drive his suspended licensed ass around to various appointments, for the final months I was there I helped his ADD socially challenged personality focus and do the books. I processed rent payments for other tenants, met with maintenance personnel to take care of things while he was out of town….you get the picture. And all of these tasks were just me being nice they were unpaid gestures and the result is less than kind.
I completed a walk through with him to which he agreed the apartment was spotless. When I asked for written documentation of this he replied with “We are friends that isn’t necessary.”
I being trusting and honest person felt this was just how it was. I see now it was not.
Two weeks later I received a voicemail from Lee explaining that I would NOT be getting any of my $825 deposit back due to the “pet smell” that remained in my apartment. Lee, in his 4 minute message rambled on and on about how after cleaning the carpet professionally the smell remained and as a result they had to replace the carpet.
I was blown away. I couldn’t believe that my “friend” would do this to me. After all I had done he is going to screw me out of $825! This I might add was all happening at one of the lowest points in my life. I was severely depressed and struggling with where my life was going. Lee knew I had just been laid off from my job and was suffering financially. He knew that this money was vital to me finding a new smaller more affordable apartment and he was going to claim a “pet smell” was requiring complete carpet replacement?
Ok so let’s fast forward to today.
I get a letter from the local courthouse stating that on January 8th at 9:00 am I need to show up in court for a bad check that was written to my previous landlord that I never repaid. I was enraged, seriously filled with hate. The thoughts going through my head were not something I am proud of and it’s been said before that there are good reasons I don’t own a gun. This was one of those reasons.
I find somewhere in my mind time to rethink my records. Is it possible? Could I have possibly done this? No, there is NO WAY in hell that I would have written a bad check and not corrected my mistake. I immediately start going back through my files. Oh lookie lookie there it is. My last receipt from Lee, it was for this accused bad check plus check return fee. I smile, take that you filthy lying fucker.
So I want to just be sure there is no way in hell that this could be for something other than the accused check…
Yes I the check that I wrote for my final months rent did not clear the bank.
The amount was $180.
The last receipt that Lee issued me was for $215. Hmmm the comments written by Lee state “July rent plus returned check fee.”
Total amount of CASH paid to Lee on July 12th was $215, now we all know I’m no math major but isn’t it funny that my lease states the returned check fee is $35. And seeing how my returned check was for $180 it’s a little too coincidental that all this information adds up right?
I am sure that the Liar Lee didn’t think I would keep all my receipts seeing how we are “friends” and all.
I will admit that for the last several weeks I have been toying with the idea of suing Lee for my deposit. I hear rumor that in the state of Missouri you can actually take your landlord to small claims court and sue for TWICE the amount of the original deposit (that would be $825 x 2= $1650)!!
I have been working up enough nerve to do this. I by the way hate courts, judges, police, the whole legal system…it scares the shit out of me, I just chalk it up to another of my irrational fears. But I am thinking I have to face this fear, now so more than ever. In preparation for making sure that filing a court case against Lee I have contacted the previous carpet layer for the apartment complex. He says without a doubt he did not replace the carpets in my apartment. He also left shortly after I did because Lee wasn’t paying him in a timely manner. HUH
So now here I sit pissed off and certain that I have done nothing wrong, nothing other than trust a liar.
I HATE LIARS!
So finals are done. Thank God! I have lived through another semester. This was not an easy one (none of them ever are to be honest).
Wednesday after school from 3:00 – 5:00 there was study session for my Trig final. I wanted to go but my daughter has suffered so much over the past few weeks, I instead decided that I would go to her school to read with her class and be a good mommy until she was out of school at 3:45. What could I possibly miss in 45 minutes of a 2 hour study session right?
So I do and we had a wonderful time, my little man Andrew was so excited to read with me for those brief few minutes. And well *ahem* I’ve been invited to attend his basketball games. (Oh and I can bring bug too, seriously he as a side note invited my daughter! ha ha) I love being wanted love it!
After leaving the school I asked bug if she would mind going to college with mommy so I could study for my math test. Of course she is a wonderful kid and said “Mommy I know you do hard math and if the teacher is going to help you I think we should go.” So we did. She sat quietly in the desk behind me as I diligently took notes of his every example.
I created the ultimate formula sheet in preparation for the test. I had every single one of the Trigonometry identities listed on one side. The other side was filled with each of the examples he covered in our 2 hours 15 minutes of studying.
Thursday:
I arrive on time and start my Trig final, the first page is not going well. I am not sure what I am supposed to do with the problems, I missed this part of the study session and I’m lost. Pages 2-5 were a breeze! I even had some of the of the exact problems on my formula sheet. But these
first 5 problems are just too much, how to solve them is a complete loss.
Then as I feel the waves of self-pity weighing me down in rushes John. John was this nice guy that sat behind me in class, he is also a non-traditional student and looks beyond frazzled. He’s missed the first hour of this test and is breathing heavy.
I sit front row center and John approaches the professor and says, “Look my folder was destroyed last night I don’t have a formula sheet, only my calculator.”
The professor has a look of sympathy was over his face, but says, “well good luck do your best.” John was so just ugghhh…
Here I sit looking at my test thinking I’ve done all I can do. I have given this my all and I am walking away understanding that what I can’t answer is clearly what I didn’t study or prepare for.
I hand my test to the teacher and ask “May I please give John my formula sheet”
“WHAT?! you want to do what?” he was appalled and had a look of disbelief on his face.
“Please, John is a great guy and has helped me through this class. You can see all that is here is the information that you gave during the study session. Please he needs this.” I begged.
“Yes.” was his only reply
I quietly walk back into the class and John immediately makes eye contact. I had him my sheet and smile he immediately looked like he was starting to tear up, “My God you are a saint.” he says.
I just smile and walk out of the class feeling better about myself than I did about my potential test score.
So here’s hoping that Good Choices (spending time with my daughter) = Good Karma (helping John with my sheet) = Good Grades (at least a C in trigonometry)
Think that is listed as a trig identity somewhere that we just didn’t get covered in class???
Images From:
http://www.prairiehillbooks.com/PHBeBay/eBayDisney.htm
http://studenthacks.org/category/math/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/cherishhellfire/2539342844/
While you can’t really tell from this shot, the tree is MASSIVE!
It has to be 7 feet tall and at least 6 feet around, what I would call a “fatty” so I’m working on finding a good shot for next weeks post.
Ok so today I took my 41 pounds of books to school to sell them back. I love this!
I wait in line with all the other students only I notice I have at least TWICE the number of books they do.
I can’t help but laugh to myself as I lug my bulging backpack inch by inch closer to the counter waiting in complete anticipation of removing these hell sent demons from my back both literally and figuratively. (This of course only applies if I don’t bomb the finals, otherwise I’ll be buying them back from them when I retake the class next semester lol)
The demons from hell waiting to be returned...
I approach the counter and the cashier smiles as she issues the standard Hello how are you?
To which I respond “I”m about to be f-ing GREAT thanks!”
She laughs and begins the process. After each book they are to tell you how much they will buy the book back for. I always smile and say GREAT.
Some students must have standards as to what they will accept for each book, but not me.
I figure the cost of these books is like the cost of my pencils, pens and note-book paper. No one is going to buy those used items from me so the fact that they will buy these just tickles me pink.
Then she gets to the black English book, that has font that measures something like 3 point, single spaced. She tries several times to scan the book but it just wont read.
I laugh nervously finally she said “This one is $33.00″
Huh I respond that’s GREAT, I was sure it would be something like $6.66. That book is the devil.
She laughs and continues on to my Chemistry text.
This one is only $23.00
I said “Seeing how it is snot green and makes little to no sense that’s GREAT !”
She laughed and kept going until my total buy back total was $136
I couldn’t wipe the smile from my face as she counted it back to me. GREAT!!
Sir’s Sensational Orgasm…
Sir was feeling kind tonight and granted me permission to have ONE orgasm. This is NOT a common occurrence and I just want to point it out.
So I have all evening to plan for my orgasm, I can do it anyway I want, so what’s it going to be huh?
Well I start out by busting my ass at the gym for over an hour, nothing better than achy muscles. I love little pains during sex, I love to feel a little uncomfortable and the sensations that I need are often impossible to reproduce when by myself.
After working myself in to a quivering mass of jello I head home to soak in a HOT bath. I love the feel of hot water on my skin. So much so that my skin will turn red, which is not an easy task with my natural skin tone, and I will feel my blood pressure rise until I feel light-headed.
Allowing the heat from the soapy water to warm myself from the outside in I begin to let my mind wander. I’ve started my orgasm; I’ve also decided that tonight it will be a long, building orgasm. Something that will please Sir, I will do my best to stimulate what it is I crave, which is him. I can’t have him so I will reconstruct it to the best of my limited ability. (You should also know that I lack the ability to hurt myself, but when with Sir I typically don’t orgasm without a small or large amount of pain.)
And so the process begins, in my own way. I have this small stiff scrub brush that I use on occasion to arouse myself. I scrub my body starting with my arms, then my back, chest and finally my legs. I take time to ensure that none of my freshly scrubbed parts touch the water during this process. Then I carefully replace the brush to its dedicated spot. I submerge my whole body at once under this scorching water. I can’t control myself I cry out as I feel my skin crawl begging me to reemerge from the water.
The feeling is intense, and satisfying. I experience my muscles release the held tension as I rest for a few more minutes soaking in the pain and pleasure I’ve created.
I exit my bath and head to my bedroom to prepare for the actual orgasm, the cool air is such a contradiction to my body. I don’t dry with a towel, instead I let the air consume the sweltering water droplets from my skin as I use the time to prepare my spot, my toys, my orgasm.
I plug in my Hitachi wand, and retrieve my glass dildo, and the pastel butt plug. I line each up on my bed and slowly and deliberately lube up my toys as needed.
From here I position myself over the edge of the bed and slowly, consciously insert my ass plug feeling and enjoying as it stretches my hole. After reaching its deepest point I revel in the fullness, play and toy with it shifting it as press it in and out. Then I switch on my Hitachi use the strong vibrations to shake and stimulate my plug as I clench down and slowly release my ass around its hard plastic repeatedly.
This creates the desired reaction, my pussy begins to throb and beg for attention. I slowly insert my glass dildo, feeling each and every one of the carefully shaped bumps on its shaft. After several slow yet forceful thrusts of it I decide to straddle my Hitachi and grind my still heated pussy against its pulsing head.
Then I feel it, like so many times before I feel my body begin to overpower my will. I thrust and ride the waves as I feel my hips pressing down harder onto each of my toys as the soft bed below me gives way. I can’t get enough and it certainly isn’t happening fast enough, my urges are overwhelming and animalistic. I plead with the sensations that be to allow me just a little more. I need more.
Just as I feel my body bordering on ecstasy and defeat it happens. The waves of orgasm wash over my flesh. My aching muscles spasm fighting between pain and pleasure begging for more of both, my skin scalded and scoured is tingling with gratification, just then I notice how my slut heels are digging deeply into my pulsating ass. These sensations are what Sir permitted me to enjoy tonight creating a very Sensational Orgasm.
And it’s at this point I must say not out of protocol but sincerity, thank you Sir.
I share a lot of myself with others; I give people my time, my attention, or anything I have if they need it. Sometimes I share too much of myself and end up feeling less than whole. This weekend was supposed to be mine, not that I wanted it that way mostly that no one else needed me for anything or had time for me.
Until yesterday, Grandma called me at 6:07 am to tell me that her Christmas lights were not working and she needed me to come fix them. I tried to explain that I couldn’t come over right then for a couple of reasons…”Grandma, I’m still sleeping, and so is Bug. I have class in a few hours so when I’m done with school I’ll come over ok?” After confirming that around lunch time I would come over to fix the lights on her Christmas tree she allowed me to drift back off to sleep.
I went to my last “classes” for this semester. And in Hyd/Pneumatics had my Log Splitter Project returned to me, I got 94/100. So awesome considering all the hell that Vincent gave me. I am not sure of his grade but I was tickled pink with mine.
After class I ran over to help grandma only to find that all 3 of her lights were working flawlessly. I think she was pulling a fast one and just wanted me to help decorate her tree. After we completed that she also needed me to run her around town to pick up a few items (she doesn’t drive). One of the stops was to pick up her annual Christmas pictures, and she hated them. Here stands my 85 year old Grandma looking defeated; she hates these pictures. This is a tradition that has occurred for over a decade, but this year she says she can’t hand out these pics. They are horrible she pleaded, and I couldn’t stand it. I called my friend; he’s a professional photographer as well as an all around awesome person. He agreed to come over and take some new pics of grandma. So “MY” Saturday had changed to a day for grandma.
Today I wake up at 7:00 am to organize my books. This is the best part of the end of a semester I collect all of these books that have tormented me all year long and sell them back to make money from them.
So I collect, stack, and organize this huge pile of hell. I smile and can’t help but reflect on what I have gotten from all this knowledge, I also remember the nights of anguish and tears of self doubt they’ve caused. So with an insanely heavy load I will make my 7 block hike to the book buy back Monday. Yay!!
Then my phone rings it’s family asking me to babysit for a while today. Of course I say yes, I always say yes. So my grandma Saturday is now a babysitting and grandma Saturday. So much for hitting the gym before Grandma’s photo shoot, or fitting in making that formula sheet I will desperately need for that trig final, I’ll just make these a priority after the kids go home and Grandma’s pics are done I suppose.
So my alone weekend is no longer what it started out as, instead it is full of family and friends. I will spend Sunday focused on cramming for my finals. Some times things are just meant to be shared like my time, energy, and weekend.
 | Dangerous Lilly on Sexy Black Dress or Comfy… |
 | hubman38 on Christmas Tree – HN… |
 | Petal on Christmas Tree – HN… |
 | Sage on Christmas Tree – HN… |
 | red rider on Christmas Tree – HN… |
 | BobF on Christmas Tree – HN… |
