Hello sunshine
Hello Hottie, how are you today.
I’m doing well I was just thinking of you.
Thanks that’s sweet.
I still like you…
I screwed up letting you walk away. I didn’t know how much I would miss you and Bug.
I’m sorry…I just don’t know what to say.
Nothing to say you gave me every chance to make the right choice. I’m the one that is sorry.
This was a text message exchange between myself and an ex lover. He was really something. I’ll call him L. He had so many positive qualities and I had hoped that he would progress and want what I did eventually. We started out as co-workers then became drinking buddies, followed almost immediately as fuck buddies. We had an agreement that it was a good time and nothing too serious, it would not effect our working relationship and we would keep it strictly casual and as platonic friends in front of my daughter (on a side note he didn’t meet my daughter until almost 6 months into us “dating”).
We were cautions and communicated about things as they progressed or didn’t. Finally after almost a year I said look I really like you and I would like to consider actually dating, publicly, introducing family and all that jazz, what do you think about that?
He said no I don’t think that is wise. He said no. I accepted that and didn’t push for more. We dated for a few more months but I was feeling a little hurt that he couldn’t see me as more valuable than a casual hidden secret lover. I hate secrets for the most part, especially when it comes to relationships.
I don’t do well as your dirty little secret, I need to feel that I’m something you are proud of and want everyone to know about. L couldn’t do this for me he was considerably older than me and felt that it was too much to be acceptable. He also was comfortable living alone after being basically destroyed by his ex-wife. He also was the first guy I really dated after my divorce was finalized; he didn’t want to be the rebound guy.
L was a very giving man, he took great care of me, and he studied me and learned what I loved. He sent me flowers at least once a month. They never had a card attached (this was his signature move so that our co-workers couldn’t snoop and see who had made me smile so often.) To this day (YEARS after we broke up he still sends me flowers for special occasions, hell he even sent my daughter flowers and a teddy bear for her birthday this week.) He would help me in any way he could no matter what the problem, he was a jack of all trades and could do just about anything.
L was also an amazing lover. The first time we approached the subject was the most memorable I have ever in my life experienced. Drinking at the lake I had been flirting with him like crazy, teasing, testing boundaries, and pushing to see how much he would take before just grabbing me and taking me like a savage. He instead shocked me.
Wearing those typical khaki cargo shorts at the bar, he excused himself to use the rest room. While in there he “freed” himself from the confines of his underwear with out me knowing. He returned to me at the bar where I sat smirking both pleased with myself and the large quantity of alcohol in my system. After a few more minutes of my sassy ass way he lifted the leg of his shorts just a few inches above his knee.
There IT was the head of the longest thickest cock I had ever seen! I was shocked, not by his act (because it was a very hot act) but by the size of it! OMG seriously this man’s dick literally hung to his knee AND was huge! At this point I was stunned. I stopped flirting and just truly tried to grasp how I was going to manage this.
He immediately read my face and said I’m sorry.
For what? I questioned
He said for that it was inappropriate.
NO! That my dear is more than appropriate! I said I’m trying to figure out what I’m going to do with all that. We laughed and then I figured it out, I’m going to take it like a champ, that’s what I’m gonna do! And my flirting continued.
But despite all this, eventually our strong sexual relationship and his giving caring ways weren’t enough for me. I needed to be his, I needed him to claim me, and I needed to in be a relationship that he was proud to be a part of. He couldn’t give this to me, and so I had to end what we had. Months later he approached me and confessed his mistake, he asked me to reconsider and let us pick up where we left off.
I can’t I tried to explain, I asked you for what I needed and you couldn’t give it to me. I can’t risk being hurt this severely again it’s too much. We continued to function as “friends” with those awkward moments here and there he on occasion would suggest we give it a try again but I figured it would eventually fade. Until this weekend years later, I don’t think it will. I think he sees his mistake and is truly sorry, I wish I could fix my brain to just get over it we could be amazing together, but I can’t so for that…
I’m sorry.
